The Shadow That Follows Us All: an ME Interlude
by Firaga Bird
Summary: Set after Virmire. Shepard reflects on a seemingly insignificant object with curiosity, and realizes how it symbolizes his effect on those around him. But is his cathartic epiphany true? One teammate doesn't think so. Suggestive themes and mild language.
1. Epiphany

**The Shadow That Follows Us All: a Mass Effect Interlude**

featuring John Shepard and Tali'Zorah nar Rayya

Part 1

**Legend**

* * *

"speech"

_Shepard's thoughts_

**Body**

* * *

"Face me."

Funny thing, gloves. The way they attempt to cover your hands for whatever reason. Sometimes, they are designed to keep you safe from extreme heat. Other times you put them on to prevent frostbite. Increasingly, however, gloves were made to achieve several things simultaneously.

"Please..."

In the age of space travel, gloves have risen from their humble beginnings by quite a bit. Perhaps one of the most vital functions of any nowadays is to create a barrier of pressure and air between your appendages and the outside world. It made a lot of sense too, since people living in a time where they could choose to spend most of their lives in the blackness beyond their homeworld would have difficulty finding oxygen to feed their lungs much more quickly than the usual concerns of nutrition and hydration.

"Don't block me out like this."

He flicked his wrists, turning his gloves around. Now he could see the back of them, whereas he previously filled his curiosity with the palms. The design changed noticeably between the two sides. The front of the gloves were an enamel-colored weave of composite fabrics, soft and flexible. It attempted to lessen his loss of dexterity while equipped with the things, as well as give him a little tactile feedback akin to a naked palm's stimulation when coming into contact with an object.

"Are you even listening to me?"

The backside of his gloves, however, was a different story altogether. The thick, insulated skin was shaded with dark hues of brown and black, and no amount of friction would alert his sense of touch that something had indeed contacted his hand at that side. Only the realization that his wrist or arm was bending from some force at that part of his limb would ever give rise to the mental awareness of it being touched.

"I-I don't want to see you like this..."

Ironic, really; two sides of the same being, identical yet total opposites. One functioned as a receiver of experience, of opening up to sensation in order to gain knowledge of it with acute consciousness. The other blocked this same experience out, dulling his mind to the fact that he was being interacted with by an external entity.

"So, please."

And yet, they both were sown together to act as one, and to defend a single unbreakable promise: protect.

"Shepard!"

"..." The Commander blinked a few times, furrowing his brows in a questioning manner. For some reason, he felt a disturbance meekly touch his mind. It wasn't his own thoughts, nor was it the usual pain-induced warning of urgent danger. He ought to know; that specific sensation became engrained into his mortal vessel enough times to near-instantaneously identify it. So then, what caused the flux of his meditation to waver?

_Was it you?_ He wondered with genuine interest at the subject of his previous contemplation, looking at his hands. They were inches from his face, and the floor, which was darkened partially due to his shadow, were in the background and periphery of his sight. _I'm looking down, then._ A trivial conclusion to deduce, but he couldn't seem to arrive at it sooner than normal. _But why? Shouldn't it be obvious?_

It was a then that the man tried moving his head slightly, only to discover something intruguing: He could not feel the motion. Only the subtle shudder of the ground paired with his knowledge of deciding to take an action that would cause the phenomenon allowed him to deduce that he had made any sort of action at all. _This is somewhat troublesome. My inner ears aren't working. I've lost my sense of balance._

"Dammit, Shepard...!"

There it was again. A slight tremor in his body, permeating his logic with... something. It was something he couldn't describe. It frightened him that he didn't understand it, had no sense of its name. _Man named every animal and thing, and it became his to control._ He became concerned with this feeling, the lack of comprehension, and conversely of control over the anomaly that had twice now affected his being.

"I'm right here."

_Where could this feeling be coming from? I won't get anywhere just guessing; there are far too many possibilities and only empirical proof will lead me to the truth of the matter. I had best start from what I do know. I, I know... I think... I am. Because I am, what let's me think is. It is... my mind. My brain. It is connected to my spine... so my spine also is. This connects to my abdomen, my arms, my legs... my body is. Therefore my eyes are. And the light my eyes perceive... are._

"Just look."

Light... Coming from the ground. It gives light? No, only reflects it to him. Because it doesn't itself cause light, then that which it emanates comes from something else. Where? Light travels in a straight line. It cannot pass through solids, and so casts a shadow at the surface which was robbed of that illumination prematurely. Because of the lack of it, light actually allows us to realize that it's there. _I see a shadow now, in fact, on the part of floor right below me. So then, the light comes from above._

"I'm right **here**."

He sees it: the silhoutte created on the floor by his figure. He could discern several features by tracing its shape, such as the lack of hair on his smooth round scalp, the way his neck abruptly grows and implies some sort of clothing that begins at that point of his true body, and the compressed length of his entire shadow. _I'm sitting down, then._ The consciousness frowned, however. _By casting a shadow, I am effectively taking away the same amount of light that would have been shown where there is now blackness. And yet I'm unaware, without feeling. Like the back of my hand, facing away from the truth._

"I won't..."

He glimpses something unusual. On the floor was more than his light-devouring shadow, and apparently his legs. It was another pair of limbs, lightly touching the ground where light still shined near him. It seemed different than his own, however, more... elegant. _More beautiful._ He traced with unwavering eyes the tips of those legs, seemingly curved away from him, thin and slender maidens shying away from the dark ugliness confronting them.

"...Let you fall."

His cheeks felt something touch them, trying to break his focus. He knew better, though. The Commander would not yield to temptation, to scratch an itch that would only draw blood. Eyes continued to snake up the purplish appendages upwards, noticing how they both grew in thickness before making contact with each other and forming a single, cohesive unit of graceful curves. _Perfect grace._

"Not like this."

The simplicity of this figure before him gave way to complexity as he continued on his scan. The curves changed, enveloping more shapes and connections than before. Two spherical objects came to view, side by side. They seemed to naturally emerge from the base he set his sight on. He seemed to hesitate before moving on, which was troubling. _I don't get distracted, ever. People die when I lose focus. Why did I lose it that easily?_

"Not into yourself."

It was true, though. Death seemed too easy and frequent to come by. He absently recalled how it enveloped him so completely as a child just approaching adulthood. The screaming and pain – but for him it wasn't physical – surrounded him as being from another world, beings of otherworldly appearance, descended upon his peaceful life and violated his very innocence in one damning night. Only through unflinching focus and perseverance, fighting those same demons attempting to enslave another world as well as internal hemorrhaging and dwindling resources, did he prevent the ultimate shadow from dominating his life in such a way a second time.

"I won't **let **you."

And yet, somehow, it came again. It snook up from behind, taking by surprise a man who thought he had finally prepared for all eventualities, especially for this one event. It was not as merciless as before, like the Vengeance of God blanketing a town of non-believers in Egypt with eternal slumber. It was different this time: a request was made to lady Chance, and she flipped her coin, and chose that one soul to take. No logic, no justification. _No power to stop it._

The man could hear and see the elegant figure in violet approach him. At that moment his mind cleared. He remembered the mission. He remembered how he discovered the truth behind indoctrination. He remembered the ancient machine, larger than life and the afterlife. But that was not what numbed his mind. It was not the encounter with a rogue Spectre. It was not even the blast they barely escaped from, explaining the lack of inner ear function he currently suffered from.

"So please **look at me**, Shepard."

With a weak smile, he rested his eyes upon the visor of his Quarian comrade. "I understand now, Tali. I understand everything." The annoyance he felt on his cheeks returned. He finally realized that they were tears. "I am the destruction. The shadow that I cast is what kills indiscriminantly. It cannot touch me, so it touches everyone around me." He was not sure due to his blurring vision, but the Commander could scarcely make out the engineer's hands go to her mouthpiece. She understood as well.

"I murdered Kaidan."

_To Be  
Continued _

**Post-body**

* * *

I'm not sure whether I should continue this. It feels a little dark, and it's been a long time since I've written anything at all (let alone the fact that I just don't have that sort of time in my hands right now due to college.)

Anyway, I wrote this out of impulse, right before sleeping. I wanted to get it out of my system. If anyone would be so kind as to comment and suggest (Chapter 2: yay or nay?) anything regarding this short story, please feel free to send a review my way.

2-19-'11 - So it turns out it will continue.


	2. Delicacy

**The Shadow That Follows Us All: a Mass Effect Interlude**

a Short Story Featuring John Shepard and Tali'Zorah vas Normandy

Part 2

**Legend**

* * *

"speech"

_Tali's thoughts_

_'speech recalled from memory'_

**Body**

* * *

Two days. It had been two days since the events that transpired in Virmire. Two days since her Commander hadn't left the confines of his room, as if locking himself away for a crime no one but he believed he committed. Two whole days since Tali heard from or even seen Shepard. _It's not fair._ Why is he putting all the blame upon him? There was nothing anyone could do, not even a being so close to perfection as... _It's just not fair._

The female quarian sighed softly as she lowered her head further, inhaling the aroma of hot chocolate that filled the cup between her hands. She somehow found the beverage to have a very soothing scent which, coupled with the warmth it invited into her lungs, helped her relax more easily than if she were to try drinking something else. _The fact that I can drink this at all is a small miracle._

Not so much as a miracle was responsible for her ability to consume it, but rather a certain stubborn Alliance marine with a silly idea in that strangely rounded head of his. _Shepard was talking to me one day about how and what I drank, and somewhere along the line he mentioned one of his personal favorites; a steaming glass of chocolate, taken especially after a mission._ Her lips curled slightly upwards in recollection.

_'You say you can't drink this wonderful gift to civilization?' he repeated what I had said, holding his mouth in feigned horror. 'The levo-amino acids could cause you to get sick and possibly die? Tali, you haven't lived until you take even just a sip of this exquisite panacaea!'_ The young machinist remembered giggling at the Commander's silly exaggerations. Nothing could be **that** good, no matter how tasty.

_'Oh, this just won't do,' he mused to himself, crossing his arms and beaming that wonderful smile at me. 'There's no way you can risk your life on my ship without first losing that regret of not tasting hot chocolate. I think I might have to call in a few favors and cave a few skulls in to fix this horrible malady.'_ Tali smiled softly, the carefree air her captain was exuding at the time returning to her mind. She had become worried how he would be using his resources in such a seemingly unproductive way, but hindsight made her very grateful indeed to Shepard when he first introduced her first experience to the beverage.

The quarian shifted around in her seat, trying to get into a more comfortable position. It was only in this part of the Normandy – the crew quarters – where actual chairs could be found. _It's to keep the crew from slacking off, apparently, as well as to encourage bonding during break times_. She had originally scoffed at the idea that making everywhere else uncomfortable would achieve these functions, but Tali soon discovered how effective it truly was. It was when she was eating her meals here instead of at Engineering that she began to learn more about her crewmates, and the passing of time brought more enthusiasm to the table, literally, as even the most xenophobic of the crew began to open up to Shepard's odd squad.

Not now, though. Not during this time of tragedy. _Not when our leader still hasn't said it's over._ The machinist lowered her eyelids, taking another whiff of hot chocolate. This time, she tapped a button on the otherwise normal-looking mug, and a rounded port came out from the side. Tali brought it to her mouthpiece and, with a barely heard hiss, took a sip of the warm liquid. The smooth, sweet flavors rolled onto her tongue and down her throat, after which she let out a breath she didn't realize she'd held. _It really is a gift to civilization._

Really, though, it was a gift from Shepard. There existed, to date, no known species of cocoa nut that grew from dextro-based DNA, leaving a vast majority of races unable to savor the products that are derived from it. Shepard knew this somehow, likely from studying it up during his free time, and explained to her how he'd contacted some obscure Salarian scientist to genetically mutate a similar fruit but with dextro-amino proteins, and get it to exhibit the same properties as cocoa. _'It's not a perfect counterpart,' he mentioned while handing the gift-wrapped canister to my frozen hands, 'but I bet it's pretty damn close. Happy birthday, Tali'Zorah nar Rayya.' Oh, Shepard..._

"You still here, Tali?"

The quarian snapped her head back up, looking at the female marine that called her name. "Oh, hello, Miss Williams."

The armor clad woman shooked her head, smiling slightly. "How long have we been around each other, kicking Geth ass? It's Ashley, alright? Call me Ash."

"O-oh," Tali replied weakly, fumbling with her half-empty mug nervously at the slip up. "I'm sorry, Miss- I mean Ashley."

"Chill, girl. You don't have to be all apologetic to me." The woman placed a hand on her hip for emphasis, giving the engineer a mock exasperated look.

Tali just nodded meekly and brought her head closer to her drink. "Alright."

Ashley took her hand off her waist and sat herself down on the bench opposite the tired-looking alien. "Have you been sitting here ever since I passed by this morning?" She asked strightly, and despite the other person's silence, her gesture of gripping her mug more tightly gave an equally satisfactory answer. "Aw man, Tali, this is going too far! Shepard isn't coming out for a while; he's got demons he needs to kill right now."

"Well, what happens if he can't kill them by himself?" The female quarian suddenly retorted, surprising her companion with a fist hitting the table despite keeping her head down. "He needs people who can trust him in there, helping to pull him out of whatever darkness he fell into during Virmire. He needs someone who'll be there, beside him. Who else is going to do that for Shepard?"

From the corner of her eye, Tali noticed the soldier flinch at her words. It struck home much harder than she had meant. "Don't point your finger at me like I'm happy at the outcome! It's not like I made him sacrifice LT and come after me instead, okay? I shouldn't have been the one he saved. It doesn't make sense."

Tali looked up, angry, but not at the woman in front of her. "And the alternative does? Ashley, I'm not saying you're at fault, and it definitely isn't Shepard's burden alone to carry. I **hate** how he always tries to take the responsibility for every mistake on the ground, despite it never being his fault. Why can't the universe give him a reprieve for once? It's just not **fair**."

To drive the point across further, the purple-suited engineer lifted and summarily slammed her hot drink down onto the table, her anger at a peak. Immediately, however, she came to regret the gesture. "Ow! Bosh'tet!" Of course, it wasn't called _hot chocolate_ for being a refreshing iced beverage. The liquid had jumped up from the force of her action and some hadn't returned to their proper container, instead finding rest on her barely insulated indoor enviro-suit. _Smart move, Tali. Your genius intellect is shining so brightly right now._

"Whoa, there," Ashley exclaimed, surprised when her companion suddenly got burned by her drink. "Quickly, give me your hand." She made a gesture to the quarian, who was currently nursing her wound by rubbing with her unaffected hand. Still cursing silently, Tali complied and stretched her hand to the woman, who began to blow on it. "You must really feel strongly about this, don't you? Or maybe you're just naturally clumsy?"

"I'm not-" the machinist began, but then lowered her head in a defeated look, "...clumsy."

The marine just chuckled as she continued to blow on the three-fingered hand, comfortable with her small victory in the conversation. "Sniff. Tali?"

"Yes?"

"Is this... is this hot chocolate on your hand?"

Tali blinked. "Y-yes, it is. Why do you ask?"

"Well," Ashley began with a slightly annoyed tone, as if it were obvious already. "Choco is a human beverage. It's based on levo-DNA. How are you able to drink it and not get sick?"

The light coming from the quarian's eyes brightened in realization. "**Oh**! Um, about the hot chocolate. It's true, cocoa isn't something quarians can consume normally. This isn't made with normal cocoa nut, though."

The gunnery chief's interest was piqued; she raised an eyebrow to her companion. "What do you mean 'normal' cocoa nut?"

"I mean that this came from a fruit with dextro-DNA in it. That's why I'm able to digest it properly."

"Huh? Dextro-based chocolate?" Her intrigue, as well as a not-so-small amount of confusion, increased. "Does that sort of thing even exist?"

"Not until a few days ago, it hadn't," Tali explained enthusiastically, and the curious marine listened intently. "Shepard said he called in a favor with a Salarian scientist to research on and gentically modify a similar type of plant so that it would gain characteristics of cocoa. It apparently didn't take too much trouble, since he was able to make a batch a few months after that. Here," she paused while taking the canister of powdered dextro-chocolate out of her pouch, "this is the end result."

Ashley let out a whistle while looking at the container. "That's pretty amazing, if you ask me. The big man went through all that trouble just to bring chocolate to non-humans?" She looked at the engineer with a sheepish look, and Tali chuckled, handing it to her. "It really does look like normal chocolate. Mm, smells like it, too... This came out just after a few months?" The woman stopped admiring the thing, and slowly looked up at her companion. An odd-looking smile was on her lips. "Did he make this for you, Tali?"

"Hm?" the female alien blinked, answering innocently without realizing the deeper implication behind the question. "Yes, he did. Why do... you..." By then, her cheeks suddenly became hot and her hands shot up in front of her defensively. "H-hold on, Ash! It's not like he meant anything by making this for me, at least nothing more than to let me enjoy a gift to civilization and it really does taste good so I'm grateful he did it but I can't help feeling embarassed that he spent so much time and effort to do this and it totally doesn't mean anything more than us being friends I'm sure of it...!"

"Tali!" the soldier cried, taken aback by the outburst. "Deep breath, right now!" Her companion began hyperventilating, which started to scare her. "Now, exhale. Inhale... Exhale. Good, that's it. There you go."As her friend slowed down her breath and her heartbeat, Ashley chuckled. "You know, you're cute when you get flustered."

"Ashley, I-I'm not-"

"Don't give me that, Tali," the gunner interrupted, raising a hand to her. "You can't lie to a fellow female, despite having only three fingers and all that."

"Says the alien with two extra fingers," Tali retorted with a smile.

Ashley chuckled. "Well played, quarian." She then looked around, then leaned in closer. "Did you like it, then?"

The engineer blinked once. "The chocolate? Yes, it really does taste incr-"

"Not that," her companion dismissed, waving her hand. "Did you like Shepard doing something special, just for you?"

Tali froze up at that question, and for a second she seemed to be returning to her defensive position again, but slowly put her hands around the remainder of her chocolate and answered with a nearly imperceptible voice. "...Yes."

"So," the soldier began, smiling more widely, "what are you doing here?"

The young quarian was surprised by that remark. "Wh-what? Why shouldn't I be? Didn't I just mention that there needs to be someone here for him?"

"You did. I'm asking why you're here and not," she gestured the captain's quarters behind her with a thumb, "there."

Upon understanding what her companion was trying to say and her shoulders jumped before she began to fidget again. "Oh. Well... I-I just didn't want to disturb the Commander, that's all."

Ashley sighed, shaking her head. "Tali, you can be really clueless sometimes, you know that?"

"What's that supposed to mean, Ash?" the quarian asked, slightly offended.

"All that talking and posturing you did about Shepard's predicament, and you never thought that maybe **you're **the one that needs to go in there and pull him out of whatever he's neck-deep in?"

Tali's eyes widened at the thought. "Me?" Her gaze started moving around, spotting a sleeping pod that remarkably became a lot more interesting. "How could that person be me?"

"Easy. You're obviously the one that cares about him the most."

"Th-that can't be true," Tali replied nervously. "How about... you?"

It was Ashley's turn to feel a little uncomfortable. "Me?"

"Yeah, Ashley. I notice how he goes to your place and tarts talking to you during the breaks between missions."

The soldier laughs, causing her companion to tilt her head in confusion. "Hell, woman, if we're going by statistics, I'm afraid you beat me by at least 2 to 1." She looked at machinist, noticing how she was fiddling with her mug. "Do you realize just how often he goes down to Engineering and just makes a beeline for you? Doesn't matter how minor or dull the mission was; he always asks you about it."

"I'm sure he's concerned about the opinions of all of his squad, so that he can plan his actions better."

"Maybe. He usually only asks you, though."

Tali pauses before talking again. "And Liara?"

"Ms. Tentacles over there?" Ashley saks, raising an eyebrow. "Hm. You may have a point there."

The machinist took this opportunity to build her case. "Then maybe she-"

"But she didn't get this." The woman took hold of the powdered chocolate canister and lifted it towards her companion, waving it in front of the quarian woman for good measure. Tali looked at the gift she was given from her Commander, and sighed softly. Ashley grinned at yet another victory. "Will you quit stalling already? Go in there and make the skipper feel better."

The purple-suited woman looked up at her friend, still feeling uneasy about the idea of actually acting on her thoughts. "Will he even want to talk to me right now?"

The female gunner's face softened, and she placed her hand on her friend's shoulder. "Tali, it's been two days. I can give a damn about whether Shepard wants to be alone or not; this has to end now. Sometimes we just have to accept the past for what it is – something that's passed. We can't mourn forever, or let our guilt bring us down." Ashley paused, and Tali could see that the woman wasn't talking just to her. "We all have to move on sometime, if only for the sake of others. That's all anyone can do, really."

A silence permeated the deck after she spoke. They were the only people there at the time, with everyone else going about their normal duties either on the bridge or down in Engineering. The hum of the Tantalus drive core could be heard, reminding them subtlely that they were inside a space vessel and not on the ground. The relative luxury of the room they were in betrayed their proximity to cold, empty space, a death that could so easily take the lives of anyone who made just one wrong mistake. They were reminded that this ship was the only thing seperating them from that merciless place, protecting them like a glove protects its wearer's hand.

"Besides," the human woman spoke out softly after several moments, "I think you're the most qualified person to talk to Shepard."

Tali looked up at her companion, deciding how to respond to that. _I hope so. I hope Shepard will talk to me when I go in there._ "Alright, Ash. I'm going in."

"Atta girl, Tali," Ashley said and grinned, standing up. "You do know know that, once all this is behind him, the skipper's going to be a lot more forward with you, right?"

The quarian woman's blood came rushing into her cheeks at full force. "A-Ashley!" Her companion laughed happily while she made her way to the elevator, raising a thumb in the air without turning to face Tali before turning the corner and disappearing. _Ugh, she really knows how to push my buttons._ With her gone, though, the young alien became suddenly self-conscious at the task before her. _I guess I reap what I sow for being so vocal about it. _Her nerves were returning, and she tried her best to stop fidgeting as she stood up and walked towards the door to the Commander's room.

"Shepard?" she called out from the door, hands held together. "Shepard, it's me, Tali. Can I come in?" Hearing no response, the purple-suited woman took a deep breath and touched the floating holographic button in front of her, and the doors slid open to reveal a very dark room. Light flooded the portion of floor in front of her, and she saw her shadow reach out across it, taking away what little illumination there was from the black quarters. "Are you here, Commander?" She tried scanning for him, but the dimness made her search for him close to impossible.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you, Shepard," she began nervously, feeling her way towards the wall and grasping for the switch, "but I need to speak with you." There was no reply, and the thought that he wasn't even around briefly crossed her mind. _Keelah, I hope I'm not making an idiot of myself._ Her fears were dispelled once some indentation passed under her probing fingers, a twitch of a finger chasing away the shivering darkness with warm rays of light and revealing its silenced prisoner.

_Shepard._ Her heart skipped a beat. The living legend of Humanity was less than a few feet from her, just sitting on the edge of his bed, yet affecting the young quarian with his presence alone despite her having known him for quite some time. She tried calling his name again, but this time her throat seemed incapable of making a sound. _Dammit, Tali, don't get cold feet now of all times._ She hesitantly approached her Commander, her body tensing up even further the closer she got until, finally, she found her legs taking her to an arm's length away from him.

Something was wrong, though. Very wrong. He didn't move a single muscle, as if he didn't even realize someone had entered his private space. _Shepard never loses awareness of his surroundings. **Ever**. _The man in front of her was slouching downwards, shoulders slumped and face downcast. For some reason, he seemed to have shut off the world around him; the hands he held before him were the only thing that occupied his thoughts. Tali's eyes widened when she finally understood what was happening. _Oh, no. He's already fallen in._

Tali felt something hot touch her cheek, and instantly reprimanded herself. _Stop it! Don't cry, you bosh'tet. Not in front of him. You need to be strong, woman. For his sake._ She bit her lip hard, trying to dam the overwhelming sadness that was threatening to take hold of her before it could pick up momentum. Her leader was falling. She was all that stood between him and the endless descent into darkness. Mustering all the courage she could fiund, Tali called once more to her Commander.

"Face me."

_To Be  
__Continued_

**Post-body**

* * *

Well, I guess I couldn't really leave the chapter at that once I reread it. It was too vague, too short and too intriguing for me to keep hanging. So, I'll keep it going, despite not having thought it through that much, something that frightens me since I lose control over where it'll go.

This particular chapter's pretty long, I realize. Twice as long. I was thinking cutting it into two parts, but the real problem was the first chapter was too short. I also got carried away with the Ashley-Tali scene, since I didn't have a set goal.

I'll keep it going, though. There's more to the story of Shepard's "shadow of death", and I can see a faint glimpse of how it ends, but the path is still pretty blank. Maybe I'll try to finish it quickly, but either way my time is going to be spent on this piece.

People who were reading my other two current pieces - and probably left long ago - I'm sorry, but I still can't see myself picking it up right now. Writer's block and college is a deadly tag team. I'll try to get Liberating Effects to wrap up, because it's a very important story for me.

I'm going to try to make this story fit into my current idealization of Shepard, which I've been planning for a long time to flesh out. He's the same one that's in Liberating Effects - someone like Batman, always thinking things through, including socialization. This is going to be one of the reasons he's taken such drastic self-control measures down the road.

Any comments or suggestions, please feel free to leave them in the review page.


	3. Responsibility

**The Shadow That Follows Us All: a Mass Effect Interlude**

a Short Story Featuring John Shepard and Tali'Zorah vas Normandy

Part 3

**Pre-body**

* * *

I'm only interrupting this chapter before you start reading to say something very urgent: **this** chapter is the reason I changed the rating. It has suggestive themes and increased "language". Please turn back if you don't like M-rated fiction.

**Legend**

* * *

"speech"

_Tali's thoughts_

_'speech recalled from memory'_

**Body**

* * *

She could feel her universe crash down before her the moment those words escaped her Commander's lips.

"I murdered Kaidan."

"Keelah," Tali began with a hoarse voice, a trembling hand grasping at her mouthpiece, "y-you can't mean that, Shepard. How could-" The heartache she did her best to keep in check just moments ago finally broke its dam, and it struck hot, liquid grief onto the young quarian's sensitive cheeks. "How can you s-say that...?" She could barely remain standing; the wake of Shepard's descent threatened to drag her in, as well.

A small smile crept onto the man's face, which shook her to the core as it rose despite the freely flowing, defeated tears that rolled heavily down his face. "It becomes quite clear once you examine the circumstances, Tali," he spoke with an unexpectedly calm voice, belying the emotion that the engineer expected he was overtaken with. "The facets of a murder are the intent, the action, and the consequence. I intended to save both Ash and him despite every shred of logic ingrained into me screaming that it wasn't possible. I acted to save Williams and gave an empty promise to Kaidan, and he was consequently vaporized by a particle bomb as a direct result of those actions."

The shocked woman held onto her heart tightly with her free hand; a jolt of pain passed through it. "N-no," she feebly cried out in response to her captain's twisted yet convincing argument. "That's, that's not true, C-Commander. Th-there was n-nothing anyone could have done in your s-situation. P-please, stop b-blaming yourself for-"

"I am **not** anyone!" Shepard suddenly exclaimed, slamming his foot down on the ground with a loud thud and making his companion jump in surprise. His face contorted itself with a rage that even the most battle-hardened Krogan warlord would shrink away from, let alone a single quarian engineer. "You of all people in this godforsaken galaxy should know that by now, Tali! I **do** impossible. There's nothing in this **universe** that I am incapable of achieving, or escaping, or **destroying**." He raised himself from the bed in the blink of an eye and brought himself to face his companion eye-to-eye. "I am **Commander Shepard**!"

It was all Tali could do to keep from dropping into a ball on the floor and nurse herself with a broken spirit. She had just angered a god, and He would teach the miniscule alien her place in His world. Never before had she experienced such unbridled, concentrated power flow out from a single being's voice, a domination of language that rivaled that of the Reaper, Sovereign. If her will was any weaker, the quarian knew her legs would have given way under the immense force that found himself exerted upon her. She could not give into temptation, however. She couldn't fail her most vital mission yet.

"I was born to beat the odds," the armor-clad god continued after pausing momentarily, lowering his voice but never losing power. "Virmire was no different from any other mission. Wrex faltered for a moment upon the realizing the gravity of what we had to do which conflicting with his own goals, but I diffused the situation without any further complications." He retreated his face from his companion's, and Tali realized how close it really came to her own; touching a finger to her visor left a small mark where fog from his breath was created. She could feel blood starting to warm her face.

"His feelings were deeply rooted into his psyche, and no one else could have changed him from his line of thought. Except me." The Commander walked towards his table, and it was then that the female machinist noticed the clutter; every inch of desk and adjacent wall was covered by maps, documents and pictures, with pieces of string connecting several points in mind-numbingly complex patterns. "The majority of the mission was ridiculously straightforward. The main team headed by Kirrahe experience close to zero casualties, and no fatalities. We took care of that."

Despite the situation, Tali couldn't keep herself from worshipping her Savior once again, the way she did when he led her away from the betrayal that nearly cost her life, and during every other time he revealed himself before her. "The intel he gathered on our way to the objective was invaluable," Shepard continued, taking hold of one of the many datapads scattered on his altar and scanning it passively. "Although I had a theory about it, the explanation by the Asari scientist confirmed my belief that it wasn't Saren but rather his ship, Sovereign, that caused the mind-altering doctrination to manifest in his subjects, himself included."

Gone was virtually any trace of his previous display of weakness. His stance was confident and strong, his back she stared longingly at wide, firm. "We made our way into the entire facility in record time. Joker landed the ship in the center of it after we cleared out all hostiles, and the bomb we prepared was secured onto the drop zone with minutes to spare." His jaw, which she could glimpse a portion of as he angled his face slightly sidewards while reading, clenched as he reluctantly continued. "That's where the first sign of trouble began.

"I told Ash of our situation and to hurry out to the rendezvous. She couldn't comply. _'Negative, Commander. The Geth have us pinned down at the AA tower. We're taking heavy casualties.' _Sounds of gunfire filled the background._ 'We'll never make it to the rendezvous point in time!'_

"I called in reinforcements. _'Get them out of there, Joker. Now!'_

"But Williams interrupted. _'Negative. It's too hot. Can't risk it. We'll hold 'em off as long as we-'_ The line dropped suddenly.

"My response was panicked; I'm ashamed to admit I lost my composure for a second. _'Williams. Williams, come in. **Crap**.'_

"_'It's okay, Commander.' _Alenko helped me save face._ 'I need a couple of minutes to finish arming the bomb. Go get them and meet me back here.'_

"The rescue was welcome. _'Got it. Garrus, Tali, up to the AA tower. Move!' _I should have realized at that time that the flow of events was a little too straightforward."

Shepard sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping as if the burden upon them just increased twofold. Placing the datapad back upon the pile, the Commander turned his gaze towards a set of maps that were holographically superimposed upon each other in a specific way. The expression on her leader's face Tali caught was that of a tired old man, his divinity suddenly encapsulated by the mortality of his vessel. "We fought a path towards Ash's coordinates," he began, tracing his finger one of the collated map's corridors. "After dispatching of the enemy units there, we proceeded over an open bridge when I caught chatter over the comms.

"It was Williams, speaking to Kaidan. _'Heads up, LT. We just spotted a troop ship headed to your location.'_

"It was a redundant gesture, however. _'It's already here. There's Geth pouring out all over the bomb site.'_

"Concern, as well as the seed of foreboding filled my gut when I confirmed with Kaidan. _'Can you hold them off?'_

"_'There's too many. I don't think we can survive until you get here.'_ I paused to plan my next action carefully, but my hand became forced._ 'I'm activating the bomb.'_

"That idiot! Why did he make such a mission-critical decision **without **my consent? _'Kaidan, what the hell do you think you're doing?'_

"He just relayed his intentions. Godamn **naïve**. _'I'm just making sure this bomb goes off. No matter what.' _I was going to talk him out of it, convince him of an alternate action, but..._ 'It's done, Commander.' _...I was too late._ 'Go get Williams and get the hell out of here.'_

"Williams wasn't going to let things stand as it was, either. _'Screw that! We can handle ourselves. Go back and get Alenko.'_

"Neither of my options were viable, not to me. _'There has to be an alternative.' _There just had to be._ 'I'm not having anyone else dying because of my weakness.'_ Never again."

Her leader paused for a moment and turned himself around, facing her once again with a sad smile on his face. "You remember what came next, don't you?" The female quarian jumped slightly, surprised at being addressed at.

"I, I do. I tried to tell you something. _'C-Commander...'_"

"But I knew what you were going to tell me. You wanted me to surrender the possibility of a third option. _'No! I'm going to save everyone.' _I would have none of that._ 'I'll... Williams, radio Joker and tell him to meet us at the tower.'_

"It was just choosing one person to save before the other. _'...Yes, Commander. I...'_

"How could they not realize that? _'It's the right choice and you know it, Ash.'_

"_'Don't give me that shit, Kaidan.' _I made my intentions clear._ 'I'll be coming to get you too, I promise.'_

"Doubt spread in my suboordinate's mind. _'I appreciate the thought, Commander, but-'_

"Not mine. _'Just stay alive; that's an order!'_"

The Spectre looked down, his jaws clenching several times as he gathered the momentum to continue. He closed his eyes, looking as if he was absorbing all of the chaos and hardship that kept being flung towards him and turning into something better, something right. He was suffering as a consequence, an abused toy in the hands of a sinister evil that lurked beyond justice and foolish ideals. "Commander," Tali began, her voice and lips quivering slightly. "You're not alone. Please don't shut your friends off when you're in pain." Slowly, she inched towards her leader, offering all that she could to make a difference. "Let us help you. Let, let me help. Shepard... let me ease your pain."

_K-Keelah. What am I saying?_ "Stop fighting these demons by yourself. I'm, I'm right here." _No, wait, I'm saying it all wrong. _Tali's lips tried to convey her intentions as best they could, but the words were being pieced together in a way she could not expect, or apparently control. _He's going to take this the wrong way. _"Take my hand, John; I'll make you forget your troubles." _That came out so wrong. Why am I making myself sound like such a perverted little... _"Let me give you release."

The quarian's face felt as if it were on fire. Where were these words coming from? _Ugh, Shepard's definitely going to hate me now. I sound like I'm coming on to him, and **now **of any possible time._ The instinct to make herself look as small as possible returned, but this time urged on by a completely different feeling. _Someone just barge into this room and kill me swiftly, please._ In response to her offers of 'help', Tali noticed her Commander raise his gaze back into hers, and she couldn't help trying to swallow something she felt get caught in the back of her throat. "I, uh... heh, you see, Shepard, what I-I meant was-O-oh!"

The young quarian blinked, and then promptly realized what had just occurred during the fraction of a second it took her to do that: her attempt at rephrasing herself was cut short when her leader rushed her, grabbing her wrists with each hand and flinging her roughly onto his mattress, her arms held firmly above her. Her eyes widened with shock.

"Tali," the Commander, his aura flared with that which he briefly conveyed prior, growled with a primal tone. His mouth returned within inches of her own yet was blocked by her visor, and fog accumulated where his hot breath touched. Tali had been pinned down on the den of the Lion, and she suspected to be done with what the alpha male would have unto His pack's female. And yet, knowing this, she could not find it within herself to react the way an involuntarily suppressed creature would. _I... reap what I sow._ In her eyes was not fear.

"Don't," he began, his voice commanding and authoritative, "don't take advantage of my moment of weakness. Do you even **understand **what you are offering me?" A small whimper emerged from his prey's lips. An adequate answer. "Do you realize the **consequences** of what you are offering to me? Tali," her Commander repeated breathily, his voice straining with superhuman self-control, threatening to lose hold over the beast that was provoked by her. "What happens if I decide to **accept** your offer? Will you be willing to release me **completely**? You know how I do things. I never stop until I. Am. **Satisfied**."

The tension in the air was palpable. _Shepard..._ There were tiny voices in the back of her mind, saying that the consequences included the quarian leaving the safety of her suit, being exposed to the harsh environment and whatnot. Those voices were vastly overpowered by more apparent ones, however. _Shepard's... breath..._ He was breathing not just onto Tali's visor, but also to her mouthpiece. The same place quarians breathe through. Despite air filters sterilizing any incoming bacteria, they could negate little else. _Intoxicating..._ Her eyes began to flutter, inhibitions suffocating in the musky aroma of her Alpha's scent. She was to be conquered, claimed by Him. She would accept him, damned be any consequences that may arise.

Another growl, deeper than the last, emanated from her captor, and it was then the young woman knew she would be taken. She braced herself for the ripping of her protection, of being ravaged by the dark spirit that possessed her leader whom she still accepted without hesitation. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. Ba-dump. But she was not. "Wh-what?" She noticed the expression on her Commander's face, but it was not one of lust; it was of immense pain. "Shepard-!" she gasped, suddenly frightened that she may have done something wrong to cause such grief to her leader, letting out a breath she didn't realize she'd held.

"Agh," Shepard grunted with effort, his muscles tensing up until they were harder than granite. "This. Isn't. Going, to, happen...!" With the same exertion expected of someone carrying a massive boulder on his back, the soldier pushed himself away from Tali, his eyes clenched shut and face starting to sweat. "Better... than this..." The suited alien could feel the grip on her wrists loosening, before Shepard promptly pulled himself completely out of contact with her and slamming his back on the opposite wall, breathing heavily.

"Dammit... Tali," he gasped between hevy breaths. "Never... take... advantage... of me... like that... **ever **again..." His eyes finally opened slightly, and his haze-filled stare pointed towards the woman that lay, vulnerable, in his bed. He forced his breathing to slow down. "Never make me lose control like that. Not by you, not by someone I trust. I don't want to do anything I'll regret, not in that state." Finally catching his breath, the Commander gave Tali a look that she couldn't decipher. "Especially not to you, Tali."

Lifting her head to see the man that would have taken her for his own, Tali could only stare blankly at his figure. The shadow clouding in her mind had not yet settled, and her body remained largely where it was placed: arms sprawled above her, legs spread below, and back lying on her Commander's bed. It took a few moments before the young woman's self-awareness returned to her. Hard. "O-oh, Keelah-!" Her face felt like it was close to burning right off from the events that just unfolded, literally.

As fast as humanly – or Quarian'ly – possible, Tali sat herself right up, shutting her long legs closed and flinging her arms onto her lap, burning holes into the floor in front of her with her stare. _What were you **thinking**, you perverted bosh'tet! You'd lead Shepard on like that and let him take you like a varren? Where's your sense of decency, woman!_ An uncomfortable silence pervaded the quarters as the flustered young machinist berated herself at the speed of thought. However, a lingering feeling of disappointment wafted in her mind at the lost opportun-_No, dammit, that was not a 'lost opportunity'! That was **se**-_

"-Sorry."

The broken silence brought the suited woman out of her thoughts. "P-pardon me?" She looked up at the Commander, his gaze lower than it was before.

"I'm sorry, Tali. I'm... oh, god, I'm such an **idiot**." Tali's brows furrowed in confusion. "I can't believe I just did that. I really am a monster."

"Shepard, I don't know what you-"

Her leader's head snapped forward as he interrupted her. "Tali, I almost **murdered** you!"

The quarian was taken completely by surprise. "Murder? Commander, how in the world did you ever think you were going to murder me?"

His reply was swift. "I was going to rape you, Tali."

_To Be  
Concluded_

**Post-body**

* * *

One more chapter, I guess. I hope you're all liking this so far. If so, I'd encourage you to say what about it you enjoyed (or didn't) in the reviews page, so I can improve myself in the future.

02-21-11 - dramatically reduced the number of capitalized "he"s from the script. It was too prominent that it lost its intended effect. Thanks to Anon-sama for pointing it out, but I have to mention that it's not just a style used to reference Jesus; a pronoun is capitalized sometimes when the person using it views the recipient as her absolute superior, some might say on a primal level. Hopefully the presence of those pronouns, though much fewer in frequency now, doesn't irritate anyone else.


	4. Harmony

**The Shadow That Follows Us All: a Mass Effect Interlude**

a Short Story Featuring John Shepard and Tali'Zorah vas Normandy

Finale

**Pre-body**

* * *

For those of you who got a story alert at around 20 minutes ago, I accidentally uploaded a beta file as the last chapter. Sorry about that, but I definitely couldn't leave it up, so I deleted it and uploaded this instead.

**Legend**

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"speech"

_Tali's thoughts_

_'speech recalled from memory'_

**Body**

* * *

Her eyes widened at the word, as if she never expected someone like her Commander could ever utter such a filthy word. The context he used it in made it that much worse. "I wasn't going to stop myself. When you told me those things, I just lost it. I wanted it, I wanted **you **so badly." _Me? He really, I made Shepard want me? _"I **needed** to make you mine, Tali, so that no one else could take you away from me." _How am I supposed to react to this? _"I felt weak. So goddamn **weak**. Your suit would have been ripped open. You would have died from the resulting infection."

Tali didn't realize that particular consequence until after her Commander said it. _I would have gotten an infection if we pushed through with it. This is what he meant by murdering me? By wanting me that badly? _His hand came up to cover his face. "Please leave, Tali. Just go. I can't let you see me fall any lower than I already have. I can't risk losing control one more time. One more mistake, one more death because of the shadow I cast over everyone that ever mattered in my life. I don't want to lose you just like I lost Alenko."

Anger flashed through the quarian's veins. _This has gone far enough. _"Shepard," Tali began with a raised voice, surprising even herself, "I'm getting **tired **of you blaming yourself. You're our leader, and our comrade in battle. We have won every single battle against Saren and the Geth because **you **told us how. You have succeeded where no one else could have. You are **Commander Shepard**, so start acting like it!"

The marine stared at the outspoken quarian in front of him, dumbfounded. His jaw hung loose as the words sunk into him. "How can you still have faith in me, Tali?" he asked softly. "Even after I nearly took your life?"

"Don't say it like it was your fault," she reprimanded him, pointing her elongated hand at him. "You just said yourself that you were in a moment of weakness, didn't you? It's perfectly understandable after what we've all gone through; we act in ways we normally wouldn't when someone close to us dies. We think things, say things that we don't really mean, and sometimes we aren't prepared to resist acting on those thoughts. I knew you were weak and not in control of yourself, Shepard, and I still came on to you like some cheap call girl. The consequences are **mine** to take responsibility of, not yours."

The Commander opened his mouth as if to rebutt her arguments, but seemed to take it into consideration when he became silent. "I'm not comfortable with you taking the blame for what I almost did," he replied after a moment of thinking. "Despite not intending to do so, my loss of self-control still led to me doing that, and it was not your intention to provoke me, either. We both are responsible, and for that I still need to apologize."

Tali smiled softly, accepting the agreement that the two seemed to reach. _I'm glad the Commander was able to accept that much, too._ "Thank you, and I'm sorry for phrasing my consolation in such a, uh, 'suggestive' manner." She would have been entirely satisfied if the conversation ended there.

"I'm not finished." Unfortunately, it did not. "I still let Kaidan die on Virmire."

The machinist frowned. "Commander, do we really have to go through this again? There was nothing you could have done for him, and you know it."

A single finger was raised from his hand. "Which is what anyone else would think, as well, if they were in my position. Looking at the decision in and of itself, they would be right. However, no action exists in a vacuum." He looked up, seeing the engineer's confused look. "Let me explain.

"The rescue mission was going well. _'Tali, overload those Geth! Garrus, take out the group on my 2 o'clock! We're taking them down ASAP, then I'll double back to... Oh, no. No, no, no. Why are **you-**?'_

"Too well, it turned out. _'I applaud you, Shepard.'_"

Shepard shook his head, looking down. "I should have expected that to happen. In hindsight, it was all leading to Saren making an appearance sometime to slow down our operation. It was his main facility, after all. That was the biggest possible mistake I could have made, and overshadowed all my other small accomplishments on the way.

"Despite realizing that I was undoubtably forced into a checkmate, I struggled on with blind faith in my own abilities. _'Double time, Ash.'_

"I thought I could still pull the rescue off. _'I-I got it, Commander, but I can't limp any faster than this.'_

"I thought I was just that good. _'Not good enough.'_

"But I didn't realize just how wrong I was. _'Shepard, what are you-? Ah!'_

"How badly I failed and not know it. _'Joker, we're all in. Take us to Alenko's coordinates. The bomb's about to go off.'_

"Actually, I refused to accept the inevitable. _'That's just suicide, Commander. We'll get caught in the blast!'_

"I lost more than my control. _'Are you disobeying a direct order? Get us down there right now!'_

"I lost belief in myself. _'Shepard, I'm sorry. Everybody, hang on!'_

"I lost hope that I could avert the death I bring to others. _'No! I gave him my word! No one gets left behind. No gets to die anymore because of me! **Kaidan**!'_

"I lost Kaidan Alenko."

Tali remained silent. She couldn't bring herself to say anything in response. _What could I possibly say right now? What do I know that could convince the galaxy's sharpest mind that he's wrong?_ Thankfully, she didn't need to be the one to speak. Not yet, at least. "I've looked at the report of everyone that was involved in Virmire, including Kirrahe's copy of his 'non-existent' findings on the mission," the marine mentioned, walking back to his desk and pulling a concealed datapad from the wall. "I've spent every second since we left the planet trying to connect the dots, see where I went wrong in my planning.

"The mistakes I made were difficult to spot, and individually were non-consequential. However, put together in just the right collection of events and accumulated just right, and even my careful foresight failed to keep one of my crewmates alive." The Commander started pulling out several datapads in rapid succession, never stopping to highlight any single one. "We intercepted reports of unusual Geth activity prior to approaching Virmire, and despite it being circumstantial, I should have still urged the Council for back-up. No other part of the galaxy had reports of Geth attacks that exceeded the usual pattern of Geth presence, meaning Saren couldn't have been anywhere else but down there. Saren was last spotted in an outpost in the Traverse, where he..."

"Shepard," Tali said softly, placing her hands tenderly on the soldier's back. "It may be true that there was some way you might have known Saren would be there. You have a point there. But," the young woman continued quickly, not giving her captain a chance to reply, "the only way you could have planned this far ahead and prepared specifically for what happened in Virmire with the absoluteness you want," she paused before walking in front of him and looking straight into the Commander's eyes, "is if you were a god. And no one is a god." _But, you are kind of close._

"Then perhaps that is my solution," Shepard mumbled. "Maybe if I became one, I could finally escape the shadow of death that continues to follow me." Tali frowned, and in an act that took both of them off guard, she placed her arms firmly around her leader's waist. "Tali! What are you doing?"

"I'm holding on you as hard as I can, you bosh'tet!" she cried out loudly. "Don't even make jokes like those, Shepard. It's not funny at all. That's why I need to hold onto you with all of my might; so that you won't fall any further into the darkness that you already have!"

Shepard's expression softened, understanding his companion's action. "What's so wrong about being plain old mortal, anyway? So we make a few mistakes here and there, and sometimes things happen that we can't control which make us wish we were never born as weak as we are." The marine's eyebrows raised; was she talking about her own circumstances? "That's what makes people so great to be around. We all have our own flaws, and we all have the chance to learn from our mistakes and mature for the better. You of all, Commander, are the main reason I want to become better than I am, that I might someday breathe fresh air and feel the sun on my skin without getting sick.

"So don't say that you want to become a god, Shepard," Tali finished off weakly, holding onto this man who was so much more with all her might, chasing away all her embarassment and shyness and revealing everything to the one person she'd do this for. "Don't reach a height so far above me that I can't possibly follow any longer." She looked to the side, thinking about anything other than the warm, solid abdomen that she was inches away from. "I-I know it's such a selfish thing to ask and I have no right to say this, but-"

A finger touching the quarian's mouthpiece brought her rambling to an end. "It's okay, Tali. I understand now." She looked up and her stomach felt light suddenly. Tali was greeted with the smiling face of her Commander. "Thank you for speaking out against me. Because of that, I've accepted the reality of the situation. I'm not omniscient, or omnipotent. I make mistakes, no matter how hard I try to prevent it. No matter how much I wish it was, I know that blaming Kaidan's death on myself will bring about nothing good."

"R-really?" The youthful alien blinked a few times, her nervousness returning yet again as she untangled herself from her predicament. "That's, that's good to hear, Commander. I'm so glad you've managed to climb out of your personal darkness."

"Hm." He raised an eyebrow thoughtfully, as if mulling over the reply his companion just said. "You must really feel strongly about this, huh?" Shepard replied with a teasing grin, which made Tali smile; he was back. "I guess I should have realized sooner, but the gloom of my quarters recently might have slightly contributed to my less-than-upbeat mood these past couple of days."

"Wow, Shepard, that's such a remarkably astute observation you made," the woman retorted sarcastically. "I am in unending worship of your brilliant deductive skills as always, O great detective."

"Well, I certainly do tr- hey, you're just yanking my leg, aren't you?" He asked playfully, waving a finger in mock anger.

"Goodness, Commander, I would never dream of it! But you know," Tali leaned in closer, deepening her voice and keeping as straight a face as possible, "there may be something else I'd like to yank on."

"Tali," the Commander replied in a serious tone, bringing his own face even closer to hers and causing the quarian to yelp unexpectedly. "Doy you realize what you've just offered me?" Tali felt something warm wrap around her arm, and blushed deeply when she realized it was her leader's large hand. _Oh, Keelah, I did it again..._ "It's imprudent to lead your Commander on like that unless you're willing to accept the consequences. **Are you**?"

Her heart was racing. _I got myself into this mess again._ "Tali'Zorah." She could feel her god's intoxicating breath on her lips and invading her senses. _I'm getting dizzy again._ "I need your answer." Sweat began to form on her face; her entire suit was heating up. _What can I say, though? He's my Commander; I can't just turn him down._ "Unless silence is your reply." The female quarian bit on her lip to keep an unwanted sound from escaping. _I'm in a bad situation right now. But still, I can't say I don't want this to happen, either._ "Because I'll take it as a 'yes'." Tali gulped. _He, he will? Argh, I can't think straight when I'm feeling like this-_ "Tali, tell me what you **need**."

"Sh-Shepard," she began, her voice trembling. She made her decision: _Reap what I sow_. "I-I, I need..."

"Psych."

Tali blinked. "H-huh?"

Looking at Shepard's face once more, the flustered woman notied one of the largest grins she had ever seen on any creature before. "Oh man. Oh-ho-ho man, Tali, you should have seen your face right then!" Backing up, the soldier began laughing as loudly as Wrex could snore, and he held his stomach as if in pain. _Don't tell me. That was a __**joke**__? _"Ahahaha, that face, it's so priceless! You were getting so worked up after just a bit of touchy feely time, and aha-ouch! Oh no, you're gonna make me bust a gut!"

A twitch was forming on the quarian's lip. "Shepard..." She took one shaky step twoards her cracked up companion. "You..." Her gaze began to harden and become menacing, which the soldier was too busy laughing to notice. "Little..." Once he finally calmed down enough to see the shadow over his head, cast by his friend's raised hand, it was too late.

"**Bosh'tet**!"

…

"So you're expecting me to believe that you got that from waking up on your face?" a blue armor-covered turian asked Shepard as he sat down next to him, food tray in hand.

"I'm expecting you to believe in the facts is what I'm saying, Garrus," the less-than-happy human replied irritably, biting down on his roast beef and closing his eyes as if to emphasize the statement. An oddly shaped mark could be seen across the side of his face.

"Oh yeah, it's perfectly normal to get out of bed with what you claim to be a star-shaped and semi-hard pillow that **somehow** lost its two legs - due to, what was it, overuse? - making a textbook slap mark where you woke up from it. There's clearly no way that mark, shaped like a three-fingered hand hit you upside on your cheeky grin, could be an **actual** slap mark."

"You see?" the Commander replied matter-of-fact, apparently ignoring the dripping sarcasm the C-Sec officer soaked his statement in. "Now we're reaching a sensible conclusion. This kind of thing's totally normal. Humans sleep with symbols of their childhood all the time, and mine just happened to lose its fluffiness and get a little banged up over the past years."

"If you say so, Shepard," Garrus shrugged and took a bite out of his own meal. His human seatmate nodded in approval, taking a sip from his hot chocolate. "You do understand that the excuse of sleeping with stuffed dolls makes you out as kind of gay, right?"

At that remark, the Commander suddenly sprayed out the beverage he had just taken into his mouth, but through the other orifice. "Ah, burdig paidful hot choco id by dowz!" he attempted to exclaim, unable to make the proper consonants due to the incapacitation of his nasal cavity. "Sweet Bother Bary that stigs worse thad the bagba od Therub!"

The occupant in the other seat merely at in his place, seemingly oblivious to the fact that scalding hot liquid just splashed onto him. "Nice one, Shepard. Now you don't need to sit down to take a crap."

"Aw, cad it, Wrex!"

Among the chatter and giggling that emerged from the crew, one clear voice rang out to silence the rest. "Hey, can everyone pipe the hell down? Some of us are trying to actually get their breakfast down into their belliy!" Upon hearing the stern reprimand from their Gunnery Chief, most everyone proceeded to mute their conversations to whispers, aside from her Commander who was still recovering from the modified nose-milk attack and his two alien buddies keeping him company the best they knew they could; by making fun of his utter misery.

"Stupid bosh'tet," one of Ashley's tablemates muttered under her breath.

"Tali, please don't speak to the captain in that manner," came the concerned voice of her other female seatmate. "It is impolite to ridicule someone else's mistakes."

"Aw, leave the Latex Princess alone, Liara," the human woman said, grinning. "I bet she's got a lot on her mind right now. Don't you?"

The asari scientist tilted her head, not getting what her companion meant exactly. The young quarian simply blew on her cup of hot dextro-chocolate, glad that the opacity of her suit gave the added protection of others not being able to see the small smile on her face.

_fin_

**Post-body**

* * *

I hope it doesn't read like I rushed it. I'm just glad I got it done over the weekend, and that I won't have this stuck on my mind the whole time I'm back in school, studying for my quizzes and stuff.

If it isn't a bother, please tell me how you liked my short story in the review page. I'd like that.

02-21-11 - Made some grammar and word improvements, and fleshed the epilogue out a bit more.


End file.
